My life has been challenging. I have been facing some personal, work, and health challenges. As a result, I can honestly say that I have been depressed for a while now. Not the curl up in a ball and pound some Zoloft kind of depression. More like eat some Oreos and watch another episode of The Closer kind of depression. It was a time to process, to deal with my own feelings, to be reminded that life would go on, and to be reassured that whatever is going on in my life, it's not nearly as wild as Kyra Sedgewick's character. I may be a little nuts, but not TV nuts.
I'd like to thank all of you that continued to ask me to work out with you, even though I almost always said no. Thank you for remaining silent while I added some pounds to my frame. It's not like I didn't know. It just took me some time to care. Thanks to those of you that nodded sagely while I rationalized my way out of all kinds of healthy behaviors.
I'd like to say that I'm all better and back on my old self, but that's impossible. Healing doesn't happen that way and this isn't about getting back to the old me, but about finding the new one. This is about accepting that I'm not 30, but I'm also not 80. It's about believing that even if I can't run, working out is still worth it. It's about remembering that I love being strong and endorphins are crack.
I went to the gym yesterday. I'm going back today... and tomorrow... one day at a time... climbing out of the darkness, one day, one step at a time.
I'm not dead yet. Maybe I should stop acting like it.