|Angela Brown Oberer|
"Well limbo is not a good place to be." ~Bill Joy
I have a secret. I’m lost.I’ve been lost for a while now. I had the knee surgery in January. The rehab was rough. I was supposed to be able to run again by March. I couldn’t. So I rehabbed some more and tried again in June. I couldn’t run. So I tried other stuff all summer to try to rest my leg. I did strength without the impact. Weights. Elliptical. Walking. Cycling. Stairs. I still can’t run.
I’ve been trying out the phrase, I don’t run any more.
I was a triathlete. Now what am I?
Can’t you have a knee replacement? Yes… But do I really want that? I’m not sure.
Can’t you just do the swim and the bike or do a relay? Yes… But do I really want that? I’m not sure.
In order to move forward, to make new plans, to forge a new identity, I have to accept my reality. Or is it that I have to create my reality? I’m having a hard time with this. I struggle with the difference between quitting and accepting my limitations. I’m not sure what’s true anymore.
Am I just not trying hard enough?
I don’t run any more?